Today, I feel it is fitting for me to write about a topic most probably relate to.. feeling blameworthy, more often known as guilty. Specifically from my point of view> as a mom, business owner, and wife.

It is my nature to be selfless… most moms probably are! Thus, making us blameworthy of putting things in front of our own needs, wants.. desires!

Whether it be because we did too much or too little of certain things… Not making it to the gym, not enough time with our family/kids, eating too much of this or too little of  that, not getting as far on a project as hoped. Well.. let me tell you… it is a must to prioritize and do the best we can at sticking with a game plan. I am the girl who believes over planning kills magic. Although, having allotted time~ for magic to happen is necessary!   

In today’s fast paced world it can be challenging to balance all of our responsibilities. I want to come at you with the message that arranging, clearing your schedule to follow a plan and a goal is okay and necessary to be successful at most anything!

In fact, this is my second Thursday of marking myself off of working as a hairdresser (my full time job of 19 years to support our fam/four kids. who are now entering adulthood).. to nail down some time to write for my blogsite! 

Before starting this post I sat in my 2004 Lincoln Navigator (that I have been driving since our oldest son was 10.. he is now 20!.. I have a plan and a goal to get a hip Land Rover, as soon as our youngest/daughter graduates from high school in two years!😉).. just to enjoy the apple pecan salad I got at Wendy’s, along with a new-to-me, zero sugar soda my sweet client had brought me this a.m… in PEACE AND QUIET!

Yes, I did decide to go in on this Thursday morn to lighten up her hair a bit more.. she’s a school teacher and on spring break this week. Then, I feverishly came home to make what I had set out to do happen. I am keeping this promise to myself to get this blog thing underway! I have also realized that the flow of my thoughts can happen on a designated day. I do realize I am adding things that require time into my life. I feel lucky that I manage my own schedule and can put my plan into action!  I also know the approach is important. I am cool with working more hours on my other four days at the salon, knowing I have allotted time to write on Thursdays! Honestly, I can see it as something to look forward to! And I hope to make it something my network looks forward to!

I started blogging for a couple of reasons: 1) my mom describes social media as the devil and felt like I wasn’t bringing any sustenance to the world by just posting about all the good parts of my life. I have been avidly posting on my Facebook page about my four kiddos for about five years! After all, these are the parts we want to remember.. right?! 2) My Aunt Em had made the comment that I should start a blog. She honestly viewed my Facebook as a blog. It made me think about it. She inspired me in the way that a blog can be a collective place for my kids, fam and friends to look back at and it might be more permanent than Facebook. I myself lost most of my childhood photos to a housefire when I was Jr. High aged. And then I lost about five years worth of pics that were saved to a laptop when it was stolen from our downtown salon location. On an up note, I scrapbooked for the first eight years of having our kiddos.

In the most recent years, posting to Facebook has given me the push to upload the pics within a short duration of things taking place.. because I like to have them in order as much as possible. My hope is to gain a better understanding and approach to social media in general.. so my personal page can mesh with my Halfway there blog page… for now I am pressing forward with both separately. 
I got a good start on writing today and then was feeling overly tired and overwhelmed.. I am sitting in my room (hiding from our ‘grown-up’ kids) to make this happen. I decided to take a short power nap to regroup. It’s crazy what a bit of rest can do to bring fresh ideas. I also had each of our four kids come in my room for this or that.. I nicely have told them that I am writing and to please be quiet. I plan to do something fun (not sure what) with our youngest two, who are on spring break when I get done with this entry.

I want to: 1.) Raise kids that are productive, hardworking people!  2.) I want them to stay humble, hungry and do what makes them HAPPY! 3.) Be kind to themselves and others! It’s as if we give ourselves a pep talk when we give our kids one! I have more things I am proud of in this life I am living than things I wish I could change! I for sure have learned that I am stronger and better after the falls on this journey. Although, I do know parenting ‘grown up’ kids is equally, if not harder than when they are younger! 

I just got choked up after giving our oldest a hug as he’s about to make the twenty min. drive back to college at Bethany. He was in town for a doc appt. and to file an ins. claim, in order to get a new phone because he broke his yesterday by accidentally dropping a kettle bell on it during his workout. He has recently been diagnosed with a mood disorder and it has been recommended for him to be on meds. He is super studious and wise beyond his years.. I think that’s why its so hard for him to accept the diagnosis for what it is. I can tell he’s struggling with anxiety and am praying for the anxiety to subside!  

Some of my consistency with posting has to do with having Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder/OCPD… a personality disorder characterized by excessive concerns with orderliness, perfectionism, attention to details, mental and interpersonal control, and a need for control over one’s environment, which interferes with flexibility, openness to experience, and efficiency, as well as interpersonal relationships. It is also the very reason I struggle getting started with anything new. I know it sounds crazy.. right? It kind of is … at least I would say it’s a very complex disorder. I am grateful that in recent research it shows that some of the challenges/symptoms can be overcome around forty years of age.  I would say, for me it may have been derived from feeling lack of control many times throughout my life! I have sought and continue to seek professional help with it through talk therapy. Just realizing and being aware of what I want in life is helping me to be the best version of myself.
I will come back to that part of my life at a different time. I want to really hit home on feeling good about the choices we make and doing what breathes life into us! For me, it is helping others anyway I can! If I want to get my message into the world.. I must make/find time to do just that. I am finding myself as I start this journey. I can already see an improvement in my clarity. Our talk therapist even mentioned how theraputic writing can be. I am happy to be putting something into place that I thought was going to have to be down the road. 

I am so very appreciative of my husbands support in this endeavor! I have wanted to give up so many times and he has made sure to be my biggest supporter. Even when I get pissed at his feedback, I have been thinking the same thing he says. I just want to be good at what I have started.. which takes time and it is necessary to invest in a few things to make the process a bit more professional. We should never feel blameworthy or guilty for prioritizing ourselves!!

At this point I am working on forming the habits necessary to continue pressing forward… writing a blog post and launching it each Thursday and recording and launching YouTube videos on Mondays! As I get this process underway.. I do want to invite any eyes that get in front of my writing for feedback and to like, share, subscribe to Halfwaythere.me blogsite, YouTube channel and facebook pg.!!   Love you peeps! Yours in Style, Amber