Parenting can be a gut-wrenching and heartbreaking! Along with that can come some of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. ♥️

None of us are perfect or perfectly made. We are perfectly imperfect and living the best way we know how. I know the love in a mom’s heart is enough to carry a lifetime!

I can only hope that my kids know just how much I love them and that their interpretation of it all is enough to keep our relationships strong! Believing they have had parents that have worked harder than most for their best interest and welfare!

As I have a twenty, nineteen, seventeen and sixteen year old I realize the vulnerability, dexterity and hard decision-making involved in guiding them. There is a fine line of letting them learn and trying to do it for them.

I am one of the most sensitive people I know. At the same time I know I can be hard to handle because I am known to downplay feelings.. ever remembering that their are others struggling more. I guess the thought that someone else has it harder has always helped me to keep pressing forward.

I am willing to put in the footwork to continue a lifetime relationship with our adult kids. I also am realizing that how they interpret what is happening is a direct reflection of how their responses may be.

I have definitely tried to keep it ‘even schmeven’ amongst our kids. I also would say that each of our children think one of their siblings was more favored in one way or another. Even I myself think that I have tried more in certain situations because I don’t want to see our kids hurt.

Hurting isn’t always a bad thing. I have learned some of the biggest life lessons from hurt and grief. In fact, some of the darkest times in my life have shaped me to be the kind, loving, everworking woman that I am!

The most recent situation my husband and I are facing is with our middle son, Landon.. aka LandO.. who seems to downplay what we continually do for him. I honestly think it’s because he is a very proud person and he doesn’t want to have anything held over his head. In one way I admire this quality. I would say I am the same way. On the other hand I don’t think this behavior is justified when help is needed.

We have put him in starter vehicles several times and things have happened that could be preventable. The first one ran out of oil and the engine blown.. just as he was finishing his first semester of college. Recently, he has moved to Wichita and started barber school. (an hour and a half from home) His pickup engine locked up after overheating, before he even completed his first week of school. I know his heart must be broken too.. as he had put quite a bit if his own hard-earned money into fixing it up.

From a parental standpoint he has been careless, reckless and possibly just going through a run of bad luck.  I would also say when one is making a comeback it often brings many encounters with Satan trying to pull back. Landon is almost six months into NA recovery. He also isn’t one to hide his battle with addiction. This gives me a lot of reason to believe he will live a rewarding life.

A good friend of ours generously let Landon borrow his 90’s model Honda Civic and it was wrecked on the way back from a lake trip this past weekend. We didn’t realize Landon had came back to our home and picked up the car. Originally he had left with a friend. Thank God no one was injured!

There is definitely tension around this chain of events and the delivery of Landon letting us know what happened was non-existent. He had my brother relay the message. There are so many fine details that I don’t care to go into. One thing is for sure~ he didn’t want to be bothered with our mom and dad lecture or disappointment.

  After determining the car was still safe to drive and some work was done on it.. my husband and I made the decision to get the car back to LandO this Tuesday. We wanted to make sure he could get to school and hopefully a job once he nails one down! We found out he had been in yet another accident on Wednesday on his way to a study session. At this point we are overwhelmed with fear for his life!

Recovery can be messy. Life is often messy. It takes time to rebuild trust. At least now we know he is most likely dealing with anxiety and stress. He has always been one to keep his feeling bottled up. I almost would bet that it has to do with his personality, as well as, being a middle child in our big family. He definitely portrays a vibe that he doesn’t want to bother anyone with his challenges. Possibly not really knowing what he’s struggling with because he wants to suppress those unwanted feelings. 

In my mind I was thinking lots of things.. has he relapsed?, has he had head trauma?, etc. He agreed to take a UA and it came back clean. We are over-the-top proud of Landon and have a big sense of relief knowing he’s still living a life free of narcotics and alcohol.

We as a family made the step in the direction of being sober/clean in January of this year. It was after learning both our oldest son’s struggles with illicit drug use at the beginning of their college careers on campus at a private college, twenty minutes from home. I have learned a lot more than I want to know about the push of drugs and the path it can take you down.

My husband and I both have seen first hand the out of control spiral of having loved ones struggle with addiction. Although, nothing compares to experiencing it with your own child! Not to mention our own personal experiences. We will be seven months sober tomorrow. (6-12-20)

I could hide the hard parts.. but then I wouldn’t be doing what my life’s mission is. I truly know my life’s purpose is helping others.

In a world that can be so cold.. especially during Covid-19, George Floyd’s recent death and all the political and racial issues at the forefront… I want to be a light to others by sharing my experiences in a hope to let others know they aren’t alone!

I am a strong believer in being KIND no matter what. It’s a reflection of our self and self-worth. If we can forgive those that have hurt us we release ourselves from the burden we would otherwise carry.

I believe in the power of prayer and putting ourselves in others shoes. It can be challenging to see things from different perspectives. We are all products of what our life experiences have been. If we can at least be respectful of others beliefs, realizing we only hurt ourselves by believing our stance is more just than someone else’s.

That being said I am going to go ahead and believe Landon is going through what is necessary for his journey. I am willing to help with his future needs as long as he can handle himself accordingly.. as we have done our best to teach him.

We have made numerous arrangements and financial contributions in Landon’s behalf, knowing we want the best future for him. He is residing with my husband’s sister, Annie and her family. We want to make it possible for him to be successful at getting to school and being able to obtain a job, without wearing out his welcome or expecting too much. At the same time we don’t want to enable our kids or be taken for granted. It is important to us that our kids are respectful.

I believe writing can be healing. As I write this blog entry my husband went to pay our friend for his car. We also learned the pickup sold for parts.. so those funds can go towards the pay off for the twice wrecked car. (nicknamed Dirty Harry)  I am talking myself into pumping the brakes on saving the day. After all, time is needed for any of us to process life’s challenges. I am praying that the right things happen in the right order for Landon to look back as he completes barber school and he will have a new take on life.

We are halfway to anywhere we make up  our minds to be. The first step is deciding to go for it! I am halfway to being a well-known writer and public figure!😉😘

Halfwaythere, Amber 💚🤟