Who am I and what is my “why”?

Well, I am an open-book, free-spirited, small town Kansas girl! Pictured in this post, is me at 16 years old while on one of the few trips I had ever taken at that point~ to Florida with my Aunt Em.. seeing the ocean for the first time!! I was the first born (of four children) to teen parents. I ended up being a teen mom myself, fostered and adopted three daughters.. in addition to our three biological sons, I am an entrepreneur, have faced financial struggle.. including bankruptcy, and can assure you I am much stronger from the many adversities I’ve faced!

Adversity is defined as difficulties; misfortune.

I have been on a quest to find my “why”! I am a lucky girl and am twenty years married to my highschool sweetheart, John! When I asked him what he thought my “why” was, his response was “to help others facing adversity!” This is an amazing thing to hear.. coming from a man who isn’t as open! He has embraced the idea of me sharing our story and surprisingly has become my biggest supporter in this venture! I truly believe we are all drawn to the hard stories, especially the one’s with the happy endings and remarkable outcomes. I also believe we all hold the pen to our own stories! Even when we are in the hardest and unplanned part of our journey, we do have control of how we respond!

“Adversity does not build character, it reveals it!!” I just came across this quote when looking for quotes about overcoming adversity. I used to be embarrassed and filled with shame about the challenges in my life. I have shifted my perspective and realize that these hard things are in fact what have made me the best version of myself and allow me to relate with others!!!

I have been blogging for a year now and have been making short video clips on a YouTube channel (that I hired a gentleman to help me get going) since I first started out on this venture of becoming a blogger two years ago. I am not sure it’s the right approach just yet. Nonetheless, I have faithfully uploaded a video every week for ninety-four weeks. I have yet to invest in some software or technology to make this process and goal more obtainable. I guess you could say I have just been building the habits. Recording and uploading a video every Monday and writing and sharing my entries every Thursday. You may be surprised to learn that right now I am writing on my Google pixel phone, only using my left thumb (I’m a lefty) because that’s the easiest way for me to type on my phone! I can’t believe I just shared that! I also write a Facebook post first and then cut and paste it to my wordpress site cause it seems to stay in a better format that way. 

We all start somewhere! At this point, I feel the overwhelming desire and confidence to take it to the next level! 2021 is going to be the year I start to get my message out to more people! My confidence is growing and it is definitely my calling to share that no matter who you are, you can be whatever you put your mind to~ even when facing more adversity than others!! I am honored to get this in front of some eyes and invite you on this journey with me!!

There is no easy way to say, “I am now an adult child to an alcoholic mom.” My mom is my biggest hero and very well may consider disowning me for putting this out into the world. I love her more than anything and I truly believe I get most of my best qualities from her! She has taught me to love all walks of life, to appreciate different, to seek more, and to believe in myself!! Whether we want to believe it or not.. we all are a product of what we know. How our mothers handle us can be the single most impactful thing in one’s life!! There are many more good things I have learned from my mom than not. I am definitely not a perfect parent. I just aspire to be a light to others through our story!

My goal here is definitely not to throw my mom under the bus. I do know that stories and experiences become interconnected. Honestly, my husband and I are now over a year sober and battled being “high-functioning” alcoholic/workaholics since we first started out. We were able to make this decision through our greatest desire to be good parents and role models to our four adult-ish kids!!❤️ We saw our oldest two sons begin to struggle with addiction and knew that we must lead by example! I found the greatest willpower ever by striving to be the best mom I can be. We all have to work to be the best versions of ourselves! Sometimes it is bigger than us to overcome. I have to say the good Lord has always renewed my belief and strength!

I am enjoying my life daily. I have learned that it’s okay to stop and have a moment. We are not only defined by how hard we work. We are remembered for how we make others feel. I truly hope to always be all inclusive! I never want anyone to feel like there isn’t a place for them! Some of my character is from the hurt I have felt. I wouldn’t change that.. knowing it would get me to where I am now. I am determined, knowledgeable and ever-learning!

My goal is to help others to see they are not alone and to help others to heal, right along with me! My mom has always been very against drugs and I think it’s safe to say she doesn’t believe alcohol is a drug. She also lives by the motto, work hard.. party hard! Me too.. only at this stage I only party with mocktails!

I have watched many people I love battle with both drug and alcohol dependency. It is on my heart to share that mental health and addiction go hand in hand! Through talk therapy, family counseling, seeking mentor’s and being a mentor, writing.. blogging.. vlogging I am coming out on the other side! Being guided by professionals has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!

In October last year my brother, Rob (who was the third born in my fam) was here visiting from Chicago. We went to see his oldest son, Zac play in his final football game of the season. Rob and I had a chance to have some one-on-one time with my mom while he was here. During that visit my mom disclosed some really hard parts of her childhood for the first time. I truly believe that alcoholism is a disease that takes place in order to suppress feelings! This is just my opinion! I honestly and completely understand the #MeToo Movement, a movement against sexual violence. I don’t really think anyone would lie or exaggerate these kind of things. Long story short, I had a whole new take on why my mom has struggled! She kept it together long enough to get us raised. She’s recently been diagnosed with Lyme’s disease and has put her nursing career on hold. I am hopeful for her to be fulfilled in a way that only the good Lord can make happen! I am able to love my mom, even when she isn’t showing her best colors. I know it sounds glorious to be an advocate for those that struggle with mental health and addiction. Although, finding healthy boundaries, loving through the hard parts and just wanting to have a normal relationship becomes the hardest battle ever! There is no one-size-fits-all approach!

This is just one part of my story and I am definitely not here for a pity party. Recently I have really struggled with my relationship with my mom and dad. Feeling like you’ve lost your loved ones while they are still living is extremely hard! My dad is five years remarried and very involved with his new wife and her family. My youngest brother, Preston has struggled his whole life with his mental health and addiction/self medicating during his whole adult life. He is currently in a dual diagnosis treatment facility in Florida. I am hopeful for his outcome! I am fortunate to be a hairdresser and have the opportunity to meet and become good friends with people from all walks of life. I know I am not alone in the struggle of mental health and addiction.

The most important of life’s battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul.- David O. McKay
I must say I have really been shaken by some recent panic attacks. I reluctantly made the decision to go to the doctor. I am two weeks into being prescribed zoloft. This is only the second time that I’ve ever tried medicine and it seems to be helping!! I am hopeful that it continues to be beneficial and not have too many side effects. It is hard for me to pin point exactly what has triggered the panic attacks. It very well is just a combination of stressors in my life. It has taken my whole life and a few years of talk therapy to overcome all the challenges I’ve faced. I now accept that it will be an ongoing process my whole life. One thing I know for sure is that I am a better person after going through all the hard parts! I don’t blame anyone for my hardship.

I have found my biggest strength is being able to put myself in other people’s shoes. The very thing that may be seen as a weakness can be your biggest and best attribute! I have always been thought of as overly sensitive. Yes, I am. I am also very strong, understanding, charismatic, and loving. It is not my job to judge anyone! 

I believe wholeheartedly it is my calling to share my experiences! I am here to help others forgive those that have hurt them. It is my strength to say the most challenging things in the nicest way possible! Face adversity and live your best life!  I cannot single handedly save the world, I just hope to make a difference!

Stay Rosy,  Amber

#HalfwayToAnywhereYouPutYourMindTo #Halfwaythere