Today, I am coming at you with the message that partnership takes effort on all parts!

I used to be the girl looking for happiness from my partner. Through my experiences I have learned that we have to work inwardly to truly find happiness! Being a good partner in a relationship, whether it’s business, marriage or dating! It’s important to bring to the table what we are looking for! Recognizing and acknowledging when our partner does something we like and appreciate! Of course, our partners can bring us joy through their actions. We have to recognize those efforts and express gratitude, as well as, growing and working together. It is my belief that great relationships don’t just happen! They are created by whoever is involved!

Going into marriage counseling/talk therapy a couple of years ago (We are 20 years married now), I realized I wasn’t as good as of a communicator at I thought I was! We were struggling with parenting our teenaged kids and it was important to get on the same page. I am known to hold the hard parts in.. suppressing and not even allowing myself to process my feelings. I felt like expressing needs/feelings meant showing weakness and truly didn’t even realize I was doing that until we went in front of our therapist. Holding things in set me up to have a “meltdown” moment every few months. Little thing are the big things.. they add up.. especially good little things! So instead of hoping and waiting for the relationship you hope for, you have to create it!!

I can go one step further, explaining that I grew up in a chaotic environment. I don’t see my upbringing as bad.. it was just different than most. My mom was a nurse and my dad a deputy sheriff working at all different hours. I survived a life altering car wreck at sixteen and one of my brothers survived a bad accident a few years after. My parents were teenagers when they had me and I have three younger siblings. My dad survived an explosion while working in the oil fields and spent a year in a burn unit, prior to becoming a deputy. My mom was in nursing school while we were kids. My parents miraculously continued their education while raising us. Just as they were settling into their careers ..after we had moved to what I consider my hometown, LaCrosse, Ks (my last year of grade school) we lost our home to a house fire. I guess what I am getting at is that I can complain about these circumstances and feel forever sad and “why me?” or I can believe I am a survivor!

What I spelled out above are just the key junctures of the hardest times I can remember while growing up. There was also lots of recovery time, as well as, watching grief take it’s course and the mental health anguish. To put it as gently as I can, I have seen first hand and felt the hurt that addiction and self medicating caused with some of my immediate family members. I myself have had my own struggles with addiction to prescription weight loss meds. I can proudly say I am over a year sober and a few years clean from the weight loss meds.

You may be wondering why I go into these parts when writing about partnership. Well, it’s because we are all a product of what we know and experience. I can be mad, sad, resentful, discouraged and blaming others… or I can be optimistic, happy, tolerant,encouraging, and feel free!!

I must add that I have been working on confidence. It is important to stand tall as an individual to be able to offer our best to the world. We get what we put out into the world! In the book, Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty he goes on to say we must build confidence, not ego! I love this concept.. it is so important to stay humble! I would truly say it helps you to be relatable in any relationship! Confidence and being comfortable in oneself is an attractive characteristic no matter who we are.

I am writing this entry as our (almost seventeen years old) daughter, Aleah’s finally getting permanent crowns put on her front teeth, after breaking them while on the bar in gymnastics when they were first coming in. Before they started her procedure I asked her if I should write about forgiveness or partnership.. she said partnership. She went on to say that people in today’s world are so selfish. I think there is a lot of truth to that! Being in a relationship often means being less selfish. Unless you can find someone who is equally selfish.😆 I am proud that this is a quality that is being recognized by our teenaged daughter.

I would highly recommend the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It isn’t likely that everyone’s love languages will line up. Although, it definitely helps you to understand your partner! My top two are Words of Affirmation and Gifts.. my husband, John’s are Quality Time and Touch.. I think we both are thankful for Acts of Kindness. We are both forever working to line up our expressions of love.

I want you to know you can rise from anything! I am an adult who has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Overly Compulsive Personality Disorder (which I believe is derived from feeling lack of control at some point in life), fall in a category of 20% of people in the world as a Highly Sensitive Person and most of all I AM SURVIVOR!! I strongly dislike titles and/or diagnosis. Although, I would say without a doubt working with professionals, realizing and understanding these things have helped me to understand and accept myself! In turn it has helped my partner/husband/business partner to understand and accept me too!

I for sure feel called to put myself out into the world, sharing my story to be a light to others going through similar times in their lives! If I were going to say I was a professional at anything, I would say I am a professional at extracting happiness from common things! To me manifesting your best life means figuring our how to be happy! After all, we are here to live.. living by definition is creating a lifestyle! We might as well make it a good one!!

Stay Rosy, Amber