Zachary Danner,

Today (8-1-21) marks 120 days since I learned the horrific sexual abuse you inflicted on our son when he was a twelve year old boy! I am sure these events will stretch far into all of our lives. Although, what I want you to know first and foremost, we are and never have been a family with a victim’s mentally, WE ARE SURVIVORS.

Our son, who has always been an honor student and leader for others.. remained a leader, even during your sick undoing and twisted approach and tactics. He is a survivor of working through (all on his own) the very confusing grooming, self harm, and you luring him to believe you were his friend. He protected you from us finding out.

I can still remember the day I friended you at our downtown salon location while you were working at our job site. I can’t believe that at the time I met you when our son.. (you would later abuse) was a little boy, we would carry on a thirteen year friendship with you, believing you were a nice guy. You are far from a good guy. I can see some good in everyone. I am sick, sad, overwhelmed and still working through this whole process. I am sad for what may have happened to you and am dumbfounded how anyone can cause a child the kind of hurt and confusion you caused!

I don’t think I will or can ever understand how a person can do what you did! This is a lesson of so much more than what has already surfaced. It is a lesson to parents and one of what can take place through evil that often happens online. As proven by thousands of kids being molested, sexually exploited and abused everyday! When our son posted on social media you could have come to us to make sure everything was okay. You took advantage of a vulnerable, prepubescent boy.. he was just starting puberty and exploring trust and relationships!

I still am questioning if I gave you his phone number because our boys had a lawn mowing business around that time. I trusted you.. I know I would have readily given you his number.

I will always carry a great deal of weight for how this all happened. I was the first to friend you. You were one of our closest friends for thirteen years. I am literally living in disbelief that you could do what you did.

I can’t remember any signs of you being interested in our kids. You were “party boy” uncle Zach. Undercover you are a pedophile! You convinced our son that you are gay and interfered with his sexual development. What you really are is a pedophile! I hope the people with kids in their lives see these words and keep you away from their children! I know you have allegedly dated individuals who have children. I would guess you are more interested in their kids. I honestly will never understand how you were this person. We thought you were an upstanding guy. You were one of the few friendships we entertained because you jumped right in on our ongoing renovation projects at our home and business. We thought you were like us, hardworking and trustworthy. Finding out you are a monster has been the most gut wrenching thing to ever go through.

One thing I know is I can’t and won’t give you power to stop my world from being the best it can be! I will not give you the power to make me live in fear. Instead, I am sharing our story to be an example, light, informer and warrior to others. I want others to know who you are! I truly do hope you will pay for your actions behind bars.

It now all makes sense why all the struggle was taking place.. when you were maliciously taking advantage of our twelve year old boy. We had sought assistance from professionals at the time you were assaulting our child because we had some uproar in our family. Coming from a long family history of addiction and mental health we wanted to break some of the hard cycles. We were accomplishing just that.. while you simultaneously were inflicting trauma. You made yourself out to be a companion, confidant, and friend. How sick!

I feel unwell realizing that even when you think your kids are safe and old enough to care for themselves that something like this could be taking place. We are hardworking parents, busy behind the chair earning a living and you know that. You picked up our child for these encounters while we were working and we were not even aware. All I know at this point is that it was probably at least a year timeline. I don’t know any specifics because our son still feels responsible for what happened. That is so fucked up! It is crazy that you can make someone who is so smart, strong and kindhearted feel responsible for your unimaginable messed up ploy and sexual abuse! Please know he is strong, resilient and this traumatic experience has only shaped him to be a better person. I have no doubt that he will continue to be a voice for the underdog and make big things happen in this world. He’s taking the steps to work through the brutal and unpleasant pain you’ve caused.

It breaks my heart to think you were still coming around for all those years after our son discontinued meeting up with you. I can’t imagine going through this at that age and having to process it on my own!

I believe that these stories must be told to make others aware. My son doesn’t feel morally responsible to save the world. He knows perfectly well, after lots of research that his name can become tarnished because of the way the legal system and society often handles things! However, I want to do what I can and for others to know who you really are!

Remember we were the friends that always referred you for jobs and always compensated you for your work, loaned you money, always there for you and even took you to treatment late at night when we had to work the next morning. We were the people that always answered your phone calls, were friends and a meal, we drove you out of town to a treatment facility late at night when you told us you needed help for your addiction. I can’t believe that within a couple months of taking you to treatment and believing your life was going to get on track, we would learn what you did to our son five-ish years prior.

It all makes sense why our now adult kids seemed a bit off during our first ever spring break trip, they had just learned what had happened to their brother. They kept it a secret from their Dad and I the whole trip because they are amazing people, who care greatly about the welfare of others!

I can’t believe we spent the day before leaving for this trip with you! Just so you know.. you were only a chapter in our lives. We are going to have so many better chapters and seasons to share! Writing this letter to you is just a necessary part of the journey for me! I am working towards forgiving myself and you. I refuse to let you hold me a prisoner of your wrong doing. Not because you have or ever will acknowledge the pain you have caused, but because my soul and our family deserves peace!

My husband (your said friend) waited for three days through the rest of our work week.. to tell me the news he had learned by overhearing a phone conversation between two of our boys. He knew I would be shattered and need some time away from work to process all the nauseating information I was about to learn.

I just want you to know that our kids are some of the best people on this planet. Not just because I am biased, but because of how they handle others. We know what it feels like to hurt, even prior to finding out what you did. I have no doubt that through this unbelievable hardship that we all will come out stronger on the other side.

We are by no means done working through this, maybe a person never is. I wish you help and for you to never be able to do this again. We are free of your despair. You have to live with what you have done and do!

Because I have known dispair.. I value hope. Because I have tasted frustration.. I value fulfillment. Because I have been lonely.. I value love. – Leonard Nimoy

The above words resonate with me!

Zach Danner, I will not let you take away any good from our story. You are just a part of it and I believe in karma!

I have no idea why it had been my nature to not say your name up until this point. I have no reason to protect you! My heart hurts for you. It hurts for my son more! I know it will truly come full circle when he has a son that is the age he was when you committed this gruesome act! I feel hopeful for the laws against sexual abusers to become more realistic! No one should have to have a statue of limitations/time limit for prosecution on horrendous crimes or be revictimized by telling the story or defending themselves!

I am not looking for a response to this letter, as I know nothing you say will make me feel differently about this chain of events. I will continue to work through it and am perfectly aware that grief comes in waves. I know we are not alone in this. Some things cannot be fixed, they can only be carried!

I have confided in a few close friends, who I know the good Lord put in my life.. they have previously shared with me their stories of abuse. I guess the biggest lesson I am learning is that you can never communicate the word of child molesters too much! It is necessary for people to know that even the “good guy”.. like you, Zach Danner.. has demons and can cause more harm than imaginable!

I am hopeful that someday my son is ready to share more of this story. If not, that’s okay. I feel relief that I understand more of why things were the way they were at the time this was happening. He is one of the strongest people I know. I am not just saying that because of this situation.. he has had some health struggles and injuries that could have made him coward away from hard work. Instead he continues to lead by example and surprise us by his discipline with his financial future, goals, and foresight!!

Zach, the least you can do is to never let his name escape your mouth. You don’t deserve an ounce of what our son stands for! He is a blessing beyond measure and you don’t deserve a single interaction with him or any of our family!

From yours truly~ a mom with a broken and healing heart!

Your former friend, Amber